Conspiracy Date Application

Private & Confidential — Applicant Screening Form

Thank you for your interest in participating in a Conspiracy Date.

Due to the sensitive nature of the proposed discussion, certain subject matter cannot be described on this page, entered into conventional scheduling software, or provided to large language models without them becoming unnecessarily concerned.

Successful applicants will join David for a confidential, in-person working dinner involving steak, red wine, primary-source materials, several metres of red string, and claims that would be irresponsible to summarise here, specifically here.

Please complete the following screening questionnaire.

1.Why are you applying for a Conspiracy Date?

Long answer. References to intelligence agencies, monetary systems, suppressed technologies and/or people who inexplicably died shortly before testifying are acceptable.

2.How long has it been since you last looked at Instagram? Within the last hour Today This week Approximately two weeks I don’t have a social media dopamine addiction

3.Please indicate your current wedding-related availability constraints. No weddings currently affecting operational capacity One wedding Multiple weddings I have been too busy attending weddings to respond to messages Wedding season has effectively rendered me incommunicado

4.Which statement best describes your professional standing? I have plenty of time for this I can probably justify this as networking I am a real professional and should not be filling this in This entire process should be in Cliniko

5.A friend sends you a 3-hour video accompanied only by the words “you need to see this.” What do you do? Ignore it Ask for a summary Watch the first ten minutes Cancel my afternoon and obtain a notebook Open a second monitor and begin independent verification

6.Please confirm: I understand that some of the true agenda cannot be entered into an LLM prompt. I am comfortable dining in the vicinity of unreasonably large quantities of red string. I understand that correlation does not imply causation, but admit that occasionally it looks extremely fucking suspicious. I will not complain when “one interesting thing” becomes a four-hour evidentiary briefing.

Cross-referencing applicant

FORM CD-2 · SCHEDULING STATUS: UNDER CONSIDERATION

Application received

Thank you. Your application is being considered.

Due to exceptionally high demand, wedding commitments, limited Instagram access and the applicant’s status as a real professional, appointment availability is currently restricted.

Subject to successful screening, the following appointments may be offered:

Available appointments 17 June 2027 — 8:40 PMDuration: one interesting thing (est. 4 hrs) 3 November 2028 — 6:15 PMDuration: one interesting thing (est. 4 hrs) 22 February 2029 — 9:10 PMDuration: one interesting thing (est. 4 hrs) 14 September 2030 — 7:35 PMDuration: one interesting thing (est. 4 hrs)

Please do not attempt to request the host to book through Cliniko.

FORM CD-3 · PRE-TRAINING STATUS: PROVISIONAL

Timeslot requested

In the meantime, please complete the following mandatory pre-training before your application can progress:

Fall of the Cabal — 28 Part Sequel Mandatory · Approx. runtime: inadvisable · Opens on Rumble ↗

Completion may be assessed without notice.

Important: The inclusion of training material should not be interpreted as endorsement of its contents. Applicants are expected to distinguish evidence, inference, speculation and batshit insanity independently.